The first part of this was from back in April (https://cornerpirate.com/2025/04/22/hacking-my-brain/). In it I talked about how I had been living with panic attacks for several years and had, as a consequence, been living a limited life. I had decided enough was enough and I wanted to get back out there.

So I decided to do four things which I am going to update on the progress of here:

Exercise more: I did have a pretty good run of this. Pun intended. I had a treadmill for most of this year but it was “noisy” since it was delivered. Eventually the noise got so loud you couldn’t hear TV at all when it was in use so I have had to have that one collected after weeks of back and forth with the seller. In lieu of this I have been hitting my 10k steps with outside walks most days for a few months. Nothing more than that but it has undoubtedly helped.

Leave the house every day: I have taken over all school drop off and pickups so 5 days a week I have been having 2 shots at outside walks – even if they are boring – most of the time. Sans treadmill I have also been going out some mornings before the school run, or late in the evening. A good consequence of this is that I have picked up the phone and spoken to lots of people while on these walks with my mum, gran, cousin, and friends bearing the brunt of this. On the weekends I have basically taken the kids somewhere on Saturday morning, semi regularly gone swimming as a family (though this has died a bit as winter bit our family as usual).

Set a goal: The initial goal of Going on holiday to Barcelona this year was achieved. I have booked another to Iceland for 2026 months ago so that is on the calendar to look forward to. Interim short term goals have been: See Eric Idle at the SEC. Go see Scotland vs Belarus with my son (his first game). Go see Scotland vs Denmark too (absolute belter!). Always trying to have some sort of outside the house event to get to on the calendar somewhere in the future with interim smaller events has been going well.

Be thankful: When I start to feel the building anxiety about a situation. I tell myself things like it is great that I GET to be here. Great that I am with these people. That I will feel great on the trip back all the better for it. I am thankful about things like my house even though it is shabby and apparently it is impossibly expensive to do a loft conversion in 2025 to the point where the whole gambit of moving here is now sort of pointless. I am thankful for this house as it might be shabby but it is warm and a high proportion of my favourite people on the planet live here with me (for whom I am also thankful).

I have also learned a bit of a super power. The power of saying no. I was such a people pleaser that I would immediately take on the task anyone asked of me with explosive intensity. This task HAS to happen and it WILL happen to a degree of perfection that hitherto nobody has ever achieved before! Well.. That is the rather foolish game of a younger man. I still do lots of things for lots of people. But this task monkey will say no if it is going to start a tragedy.

My weekends and evenings are more free. Restorative time and rest are a higher priority or the spicy tendrils of burn out would just come back.

In Summary

  • Has the year been perfect? No.
  • Has the year been better? Absolutely.
  • Have you had any panic attacks? I have certainly come close. I don’t recall any outright belters.

How fares December?

Anyone in my orbit knows that home life gets stretched in December or anything post Halloween really. There are reasons for that which I do not want to go into. The acid test of if things were genuinely better after all this work was always going to be December.

I can confirm I am exhausted. But. I think I have enough in the tank to survive the last few days of School runs before I sign off of work and finally and comprehensively relax.

It is the finest December since records began for sure. Which really makes things seem worthwhile and far more optimistic for the future.

Things to work on

  1. Continue doing all of the above.
  2. I have not kept the weight I lost off. So I have that to work on in 2026.