Years ago, I read a book about loneliness by Vivek Murthy, a former surgeon general.  It was a compelling book that taught me about the epidemic of loneliness.  During my work as a psychiatrist, I saw the epidemic worsening with my own eyes. Patients were being scammed on the internet because they were lonely. Many were victims of social engineering and cybercrimes.

An older man came into my office right after the waning of the Pandemic and said that he had a lover. Digging some and showing interest helped me see that the love interest was someone on the internet. He had been giving that person money. It was a woman he said. A young woman that was interested in him. I tried to get him to see that the woman was not real. Through our conversation, he actually admitted to thinking that the woman was not real.  He was not able to let go of her because he wanted it to be real so bad.

He was an older white man on disability. His hair was entirely gray and it was not combed nor was it cut.  He was wearing worn, casual clothes.  He had been worried about coming to see me.  He thought I would not be able to understand him. Ultimately, he decided to tell me more.

She was a scam. The young woman he had been giving money to in a different country was probably a team of several people. He had been giving a portion of his disability check to “her'' for some time.  He had been using bitcoin to send the money. He had no idea what bitcoin was and he had been using and moving bitcoin improperly.

He would not listen to me when I said he was being taken advantage of.  He had a secret smile when he spoke of her as if he knew it was a hoax but liked the attention and liked being a person powerful enough to command interest with his disability money. His meager money was being exchanged in a currency with a rate that allowed him to feel rich.  Nothing I said made a difference to that man. As a casualty to loneliness, there was no getting him back.  He was a goner. He was trapped inside his phone and did not have any way out.

I did not think I could do anything to help.

Some years later, I had gained the minimal technical skills in cybersecurity. I held a free class in Personal Cybersecurity for technology novices at the local library. Only six people attended the class though it was advertised. It seems that many people did not know they needed this. The people that did come acknowledged they had already been victims of data theft. They were coming because they knew they had a gap in their understanding that put them at risk. They were willing to take a chance because they had already been burned.

What I found during the brief one hour class I taught was that no one is educating the people that are not actively working. Retirees, those on government assistance, and those who work in jobs not requiring daily computer use are vulnerable to crime because of their lack of knowledge. Businesses find it important to educate employees so the employees don’t become vulnerabilities for their company. But people who have never worked at a job using computers or those people who are on disability are easily picked off by criminals via phone, text or computer messages and social engineering. Many people are living alone and don’t have family to help them.

We had an open dialogue during the class so that the participants could learn from each other. One of the participants told me she was interested in watching a movie about an older woman who tried to take back her money from cybercriminals. Another person said that a check they had sent in the mail had been stolen and she was the victim of fraud. She learned about other more secure methods of payment during the class.

Some common themes and sentiments that the students in the class discussed were:

Shame - “I did something on the internet I am ashamed of. I didn't tell anyone. I have a deeper problem than before.”

Pride - “Someone told me something I needed to change about my internet usage and it bothered me and I told them to leave me alone. I know what I am doing.”

Fear - “If I am lonely and I answered a random text that said ‘Hi! What are you doing today?’  Will someone take advantage of me?  Is it ok to just not answer the phone? I was always taught that’s impolite.”

Learned helplessness - “If I can't get all this cybersecurity stuff correct, it's pointless. I will get hacked anyway.  What's the point of trying?  People are making fun of me.  They call me ‘Boomer’ when I need help. I don’t want to tell people about my problems. They don’t care anyway.”

The lessons that helped people the most were learning more about how email works and how to google answers when you have technology questions. Many students in the class did not know how to improve their own computer literacy. Even though some people might have had a basic knowledge base from their work experience, they had not kept up from that level and needed support. Most people had anxiety and worry about their lack of knowledge. Many people blamed themselves if something went wrong and especially if they were hacked. My students felt fearful and worried.

It seemed to me that the people who were most vulnerable to cybersecurity attacks were people without education, those without previous technical job experience, those with severe illness and without social support. In general, those people who are disadvantaged may struggle with loneliness, cybercrime related to social engineering, financial problems, and personal shame and fear more than those with resources.

During the class, we talked about common personal cybersecurity practices to help the students. A small thing I taught them was just to try to protect themselves with the most common tips. Also, they learned how to gain more technology knowledge if they were interested. I reminded them it was important to have self compassion if the efforts did not work and if they were still victims of cybercrime anyway. The most important lessons were in learning to find people they could trust to help them if they were in trouble.  Finally, I encouraged them to forgive themselves for not having this knowledge in the first place.